Shadowlands

this is my ideal love story.

i get to die first:)

mi mancherai

Friday, August 24th, 7:30 p.m.
my last day at the office.

it's raining heavily outside. kape na lang ang kulang. gusto kong magnakaw ng coffee ni _____. hahahaha.

huwag na nga! bawal ang kape. pati magnakaw...

i haven't really finished packing but i suddenly felt the urge to write about everything i will miss.
my nero just played mi mancherai (i will miss you) and so...

(even if i have faaar more love for the "old" kids on the block, marami rin pala akong mami-miss. don't get me wrong. i've made good friends with some of the new kids. but for the first time in my life, i have met someone i didn't and won't dare to like. ever. i love the people downstairs. a good 98% of them have remained genuine. i admire sincerity in people. and i have so much disrespect for _______. ooops, my apologies to the female dogs.)

(uh oh. was that a huge flash of lightning i just saw? how come there was no thunder? wasn't it supposed to follow? parang bitin; may kulang. or that's probably just the way i feel.)

i am so used to relocating. one dorm after another. then i discovered the apartment. then the condo. it's not in my consciousness to eye THAT home. my psyche just does not long for it. this has become really scary, especially when on certain nights i feel as though i have already sucked every little good and happy thing an apartment or condo could give me and it is high time to move. time to grow new plants. buy new wares. get new keys. install a new PLDT landline. the only "olds" i bring are my clothes, shoes, bags, books and CDs. and myself. lately i discard even my furniture.

i just can't do it long-term.

but in this office, i have stayed a good six years.

i will miss the boss who taught me how to write a draft. to forget my adjectives. and my semi-colons. i've almost forgotten how to spot an adverb! subject-verb, subject-verb. hahahaha. he is the renaissance dream boss. and i only have very few shamelesly petty complaints. i will miss how he wants my proofreading. and how i hated to do it. hahahaha

i will miss my friends; my lunchmates. i love these people and the way they accept me, just as i am. around them i do not have to pretend that i am normal. they know that i am not and i feel no shame:) i so admire the way they handle my "topak" and hyper modes. grabe, they so know my secret: when i am awfully quiet, just ignore me. wala lang... hahahaha! most of all, i admire how genuine and humble they have remained. i have a special place in my heart for people who could handle success very, very well:)

i will miss them who know that food is my weakest weakness. only next to chinitos. (but why didn't she give me pesto today?! grrr...) i will miss them who know that they could bribe me with siopao asado. i hate bola-bola! lasang pusa 'yun eh...

i will miss the people downstairs who tell ALL sorts of tales whenever i go down for a chat. the three girls even shave my eyebrows hahaha... i will miss the old ladies who stop at nothing to give me all sorts of advice. i like it that they feel they are free to tell me anything:) my surrogate mothers...

i will miss the geeky stories i've pretended to listen to all this time. hahahaha...

i will miss the efforts at small talk. i will miss how sad it is. and how tragic it feels to sometimes have to fake something as easy as a smile.

i will miss talking about China to people who know how everything about it blows me away.

i will miss Bulgogi, Assad, Italianni's at the Mall of Asia. And of course, the President Restaurant at Binondo. I will be so far away from Ongpin:(

i will miss Taft Avenue. lalo na kung baha. i will miss watching people and how the rain slows them down.

i will miss my ordinary day: wake up at 7, prepare for work, walk to the office, drop by the chapel to say the most mundane prayers-- only to later ask for what seems to be impossible, greet the guards, hang my ID, sign the logbook, chat with the people downstairs, climb up the spiral and dump my bag at some corner in my cubicle.

i will miss, not the pile of vouchers that greet me, but the patience this task has given me. i will miss how easy it is to look for the required attachments before i sign my registered signature.

i will miss my meetings and all the chika before they are called to order, while in order and after they are adjourned.

i will miss going home to my unit on a night like this: almost everybody has left the court and the rain has just stopped. it is now past 8. and even if i have a litany of other things to say, i got to be up for breakfast with friends tomorrow. then go to lunch at chocolate kiss in UP. and later have my last dinner at my place.

i am moving to makati on sunday. i will miss the faura laidback charm.

i will miss mistaking the sparks created by those welders as dancing stars:) i live at the fourth floor of the building and from my window, i could see construction workers of high-rise buildings welding at night. while they are joining metals, they create a spectacular show against the pitch dark sky.

i will sorely miss those dancing stars:)

oh... and i think i will miss him, too. siyet. mi mancherai.

time to go. i am so excited my happiness consumes me.
i am going to a place that i hope will give me good old days to think about when my black hair has turned grey.

God, You have no idea how happy you have made me:)

Thank You.

chronicle of a death foretold

your body is just your shell.

Ninoy

Tuesday, August 21st. It is Ninoy's Death Anniversary once again. The devil in me is saying he didn't die; he was assassinated.

I believe in this man.

Perhaps more than I believe in Rizal. Haha. Oh well, who cares?:)

I loved it everytime he quoted Gandhi. And despised Marcos. He always did either with the signature flash of brilliance.

Then I heard this song that he wrote for Corazon while he was in jail.

Naiyak ako.
Cory is one lucky woman:)

I Have Fallen In Love

Lyrics by Ninoy Aquino
Music by Jose Mari Chan

I have fallen in love
With the same woman three times
In a day spanning nineteen years
Of tearful joys and joyful tears.

I loved her first when she was young
Enchanting and vibrant, eternally new
She was brilliant, fragrant and cool
As the morning dew.

I fell in love with her the second time
When first she bore her child and mine
Always by my side, the source of my strength
Helping to turn the tide.

But there were candles to burn
The world was my concern
While our home was her domain
And the people were mine
While the children were hers to maintain.

So it was in those eighteen years and a day
Till I was detained
Forced in prison to stay.

Suddenly she’s our sole support
Source of comfort
Our wellspring of hope
On her shoulders fell the burden of life.

I fell in love again
With the same woman the third time
Looming from the battle
Her courage will never fade.

Amidst the hardships she has remained
Undaunted and unafraid
She is calm, composed
She is God’s lovely maid.

This is What I Dreamed

Hahahaha...

I never dreamed I'd find Lea's version of this song! Very few people know the cut, I guess. It's from The Little Tramp-- a musical about the life of the genius Charlie Chaplin:)

Oh man... naloloka na ako sa powers ng YouTube!

In the cool of the evening
When I was a girl
I would gaze at the wide open skies
And I'd dream of a someday
When I'd be all grown
And find me a sweet man
With lights in his eyes.

Well, I searched for that dream
Till my heart nearly broke
Till my hopes turned to hopeless and died
Until that one morning when I suddenly woke
Looked at you sleeping there and cried.

This is what I dreamed
This is what I wished for
Now all at once I see
Everything I've ever wanted
Is here with me.

Yes, this is what I dreamed
Like a miracle unfolding
Holding you near me
In this place
That sweet glow about your face
Is exactly how I pictured it would be
I swear I must be dreaming
For this is what I dreamed.

And it's everywhere around us
Every cloud in the sky
Every breeze that blows by
Honey, how could you be blind
To this sweet bliss?

Yes this is what I dreamed
And I just can't help but wonder
If under those same magic skies
You were closing your eyes
And dreaming of this moment with me
My life is wide awake now
For this is what I dreamed:)

With You

This ballad is from the musical Pippin.

Once upon a time, the young prince Pippin longed to discover the secret of true happiness and fulfillment. He sought it in the glories of the battlefield, the temptations of the flesh and the intrigues of political power (after disposing of his father King Charlemagne the Great). In the end, he found it in the simple pleasures of home and family.

When I first heard With You, I thought I would have a hard time finding a BETTER love song:)


WITH YOU

My days are brighter than morning air
Evergreen pine and autumn blue
But all my days were twice as fair
If I could share
My days with you.

My nights are warmer than firecoals
Incense and stars and smoke bamboo
But nights were warm beyond compare
If I could share
My nights with you.

To dance in my dreams
To shine when I need the sun
With you
To hold me when dreams are done.

And oh, my dearest love
If you will take my love
Then all my dreams are truly begun.

And time weaves ribbons of memory
To sweeten life when youth is through
But I would need no memories there
If I could share
My life with you.

Someone Like You

This is the song that goes to my head like brandy. It comes from Jekyll and Hyde-- the musical with the wicked tagline: evil has never looked this good:)

This Linda Eder version, the original, soars and hits the notes the same way the ying hits the yang.

In 2003, Lea Salonga put her take into the song and her twist, I dare say, surpassed the Linda Eder cut. By ten thousand miles:) She just can sing "and I'd feel so alive..."


SOMEONE LIKE YOU

I peer through windows
Watch life go by
Dream of tomorrow
And wonder "why"
The past is holding me
Keeping life at bay
I wander lost in yesterday
Wanting to fly
But scared to try.

But if someone like you
Found someone like me
Then suddenly
Nothing would ever be the same
My heart would take wing
And I'd feel so alive
If someone like you
Found me.

So many secrets
I've longed to share
All I have needed
Is someone there
To help me see a world
I've never seen before
A love to open every door
To set me free
So I can soar.

If someone like you
Found someone like me
Then suddenly
Nothing would ever be the same
There'd be a new way to live
A new life to love
If someone like you
Found me.

Oh, if someone like you
Found someone like me
Then suddenly
Nothing would ever be the same
My heart would take wing
And I'd feel so alive
If someone like you
Loved me.